Once a journey, now a story

So, here I am, once again. Honestly, I have no Idea what to say. Well, I think it's more like, I have no idea where to start. February is coming fast. I'm not ready... I wonder if it will break me? I guess it will. It's not like anyone's gonna read this so I'm just gonna pour this out. I'm still struggling. After years and years of battling my anxiety, I haven't gotten any better. The feeling of losing all my breath, as if my lungs have been sucked empty of oxygen. My chest hurts, trying to grasp the air but it fails. Everything around me seems blurry, I can barely hear a word. Some other time, my other demon appears, all vile and foul whispers planted into my brain. "You're worthless... " "You're nothing. No one loves you..." "Everyone secretly hates you..." "You can't do anything. You mean nothing." The problem is, like incantations and prayers, I believe in them. I loathe myself every single time...

Two or three days ago, I found myself back in my old blog posts.  I used to write and read a lot. Well, I still read a lot but I can't say the same thing about my writing. But, then I re-read my old blog posts, noticing mistakes I've made a long time ago, and I realised that I have made an improvement. The important thing, however, was the fact that I was brave. 

Those who write, are mostly successful. I mean I've found another one. After reading and talking to my mentor about his writing, and kak Nanak's writing, I found, yet, another inspiring person and when I searched about him, (not) surprisingly I found his blog. It was a blog mostly about him and his jokes. He's funny. And he makes funny blog posts, about his friends, and even about Korean dramas 😂 Well, I found him by coincidence. One beautiful morning, I woke up to a missed call icon on my notification, the number was unfamiliar to me. "Who could it be?" After checking his profile picture and his Whatsapp name, I found out that we have common groups.  FYI I am an admin of several whatsapp groups for scholarship hunters and apparently he's one of the members. So~I asked if I can help him with anything (of course it's about the scholarship) 🤣 At first, he asked me who I am (nah loh) 😂. Then we cleared the misunderstanding. He said he accidentall...