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Story of Me part 8

So, here I am, once again. Honestly, I have no Idea what to say. Well, I think it's more like, I have no idea where to start. February is coming fast. I'm not ready... I wonder if it will break me? I guess it will.

It's not like anyone's gonna read this so I'm just gonna pour this out.

I'm still struggling. After years and years of battling my anxiety, I haven't gotten any better. The feeling of losing all my breath, as if my lungs have been sucked empty of oxygen. My chest hurts, trying to grasp the air but it fails. Everything around me seems blurry, I can barely hear a word.

Some other time, my other demon appears, all vile and foul whispers planted into my brain. "You're worthless... " "You're nothing. No one loves you..." "Everyone secretly hates you..." "You can't do anything. You mean nothing."
The problem is, like incantations and prayers, I believe in them. I loathe myself every single time.

But, hey! Not everyday is as hellish. There are times when I just pull myself away from people. Seeing their laughter, listening to their conversation, and then I'll deem myself as 'the outcast'. I'll think of myself as the stranger, not a part of the group. And, I have no place where I belong.

That's enough gloomy stuff for the day 😂

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